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♥ Thursday, December 9, 2010 @ 5:28 PM
SUBJECT: Turn Around When something is wrong, I know it. And now I know something is wrong. Something in my fucked up life is wrong. In every part. The boyfriend & the friends. But this post isn't just about the boyfriend, About the friends: Coming to think of it, It was true I was a bitch. I'm proud. I'm sorry to myself if it's gonna make me lose friends. At least I'm true to myself, thats just how I am. I don't care how you think of me, But I'll still give you my honest opinion. If you don't want to have anything to do with me, Just say it. You don't have to say all those shit behind my back. You don't have to say you have something else to attend and you can't go where ever I plan. Truthfully, it hurts. It feels like fuck to know that, something that I've been planning so hard, you guys dont want to go. But now I dont give a shit okay? If you dont wanna go, then dont. I'm gonna go anyway. Its good if you dont. I can go with people who actually accept me for who I am, Talk about how life's been. Which is pretty bad, because people like you have been in it. People who can actually be honest to me. People who don't address other people as hypocrites when you are one yourself. I admit, I am hypocritical. I'm not a person who can express how I feel by talking. I need to write, and if you didn't know that, You don't know me. Which is sad if you are the one who has been spending the whole year with me. I know, that you're only spending it with me because I dont know.. You pity me? You have no one else? Well, if you do, I don't fucking need your pity. I'm fine by myself, tyvm. I know you prefer her, so why dont you just go? Because she doesn't prefer you. She prefers her friends. I know people seem like they love you, They don't, or so I've heard. And that makes me feel happy inside. Hehehe, that sounded evil. Intended. About the boyfriend: I know I've spend a whole year and almost 3 months with you. I appreciate every moment of it. You used to, now it doesn't seem like you do. My world used to revolve around you. Now, not so much. When you first started spending lesser and lesser time with me, I was so hurt, it felt like you didn't want me anymore. Now I'm kinda used to it. But then, when I saw that checklist thing, and I wasn't in it, It hurt. But come to think of it, so what? It's your checklist, it's what you really want. And I'm not what you really want. So, I'll stay out of the way. You should also start accepting me for who I am. And I am coming to accept this "new life" of yours, or so you call it. New life? More like new person. I don't care about your new life. Your friends, yeah they're important. That I understand. But this new person you've turned into? Not so much. If this is a game you're playing, To act and see who can care less, I'll be glad to play along. Because, if I keep it up, or if you keep it up, I won't care. I was pretty fucked up when my days revolved around you. I was sad when you couldn't spend time with me, But now? I couldn't care less. I have my things to do, you have yours. Its fine, Especially when I'm working. Time flies. I mean, I gotta start making myself feel fine without you, because soon you're not gonna be around. And I don't know what to feel about that. But, if its gonna happen, it is. I dont know what YOU feel. But it IS hurting me, is it killing you like its killing me? I just don't want to think about it going to end soon. I think about this as just a break. That you need a break from all the boyfriend responsibilities. But how long can I pretend? Pretend that this is nothing to me?  |