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♥ The Pinkaholic
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♥ Sunday, February 27, 2011 @ 9:27 PM
SUBJECT: Memories. :( I am struggling to be happy right now. I actually thought I was fine.. Until I read back my posts, I kept saying.. "Baby, I'm so lucky to have you." But recently, things changed so much.. You couldn't be like how I want you to be, You couldn't do one small thing for me. So now, I guess we're broken up? It was like a silent break up so yeah I guess. We were supposed to be like math. me + you = love forever. what happened? I was doing my homework, I can't even take out my calc. Thats when I got really down.. I remember, I had pictures of us on my calc. It's only been like 5 hours, and I'm already missing you so much. How do I move on? How do I get over you? I want to. But I can't. But I don't want you back either.. I can't want you back. I don't know what to do... I kept sitting here, hoping it was you everytime my phone vibrated.. But none of it was from you.. I just hope that, the next time my phone vibrates, it would be a call from you.. Hoping that you would say sorry and tell me you love me like how you always did.. Hoping that you would forgive me and my big mouth. Hoping that you would find it in your heart to do that little thing for me. Just that little thing and we'd both be happy. But then again, this "little thing" has made us fought over and over again.. But you just won't do it for me. I don't know why. It makes me so upset. It makes me feel like you don't love me enough. Why can't you just do it? Just that little thing for me? Because if you did do it, we wouldn't be fighting. All you have to do is open your mouth and say it. Is it that hard, honey? :( But you won't do it. You just wont. Is it worth losing me over? :( It is, isn't it? This will be a lot harder for me than it would be for you. Because you have someone to help you through it all.. I hope your friendship blossoms into something more. I hope that friendship was worth it all.. I know she will help you through it, dont worry. Just dont worry.. A person being there for you will make you get through it a lot easier. Trust me, I've been there. And I'm not happy about it. I had to make tough decisions and I chose you, so why are you doing this to me? Why are you being so unfair? It's my first relationship.. That lasted for a whole 17 months! Do you think it's easy to get through a first relationship that lasted for a fucking 17 months? No its not.. Its not hard for you, because it's not your first. kay.. bye.. -still wishing youd call me and tell me to come back ♥ :( But it's not gonna happen... you probably wont even read this... well k.. goodbye baby.. :(  ♥ @ 10:23 AM
SUBJECT: HELLO :D  HELLO!!! :D I'm seriously in a GREAT mood today eventhough theres something thats bringing me down. I just feel like, really hyper right now. :) Anyway, I'm going to post a picture in every post starting from today (I hope!) 'Cause I'm really lazy to post the China pics and all together. When I post it all together, it just sorts of mess up my entire page and I have to spend like an hour fixing it, its so annoying. So! On Friday, we went out to watch a movie. We as in me, Gaby, Adriana, Kher Xhing, Li Qin, Wai Yuen, Jia An & Yee Huat. There was no other movie so we watched The Green Hornet (again-for me). The first time watching that movie was so nice :) The second time was so boring! The only fun thing was to see Jay Chou. Haha! Though I grew bored of seeing him like, halfway through the movie. He's not all that adorable but he's still adorable and I still love Jay Chou. I'm serious right now - Jay Chou's songs are the only Chinese songs I know, though his songs are kinda fast and I dont know what he's singing, but still :) Jay Chou! ♥ Then that day, baby fetched me back home :) Thanks baby. Muah! Then Yesterday, we went for karaoke in Neway! :) This time, we as in me, Gaby, Adriana & Sherry. It was so fun :) We sang like crazy! Haha! So damn loud! I think the people walk past right is like "wtf O.O so pai tia!" We made a list at first right, and then it turned out the list was just nice! Until Adriana and Sherry had to go back. Then me and Gaby continued singing like, a few songs. Then right, we did something crazy. We took the extra mic we asked the fella to bring in, which was SUPER loud. And then she beatbox, while I sang off to Taylor Swift's Love Story. And it was like, damn fail but so fun! :) can you imagine? Beatboxing to Taylor Swift? Haha. Well, thats it I guess. It's already Sunday. Gotta go work in a bit. Haih! Sad life. Study then work. Assessment is like coming up in a few days? And I don't understand even a bit of Science you know? Except some. How? I haven't started tuition yet also. I need to go ask my friends already! Well, okay. I should go now :) kkbaii! ♥ Thursday, February 24, 2011 @ 5:03 PM
SUBJECT: So bored Well, I'm currently really free :) Because "NO ONE" is texting me. Nevermind la. I posted a HOT WOMEN CELEBS post before, so since im so free now, I'm going to post about hot guy ones :) Hehe. ENJOY! ;) I know I will! HAHA! .jpg) HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN!  KELLAN LUTZ  CHRIS EVANS Bleh! I'm lazy to post more. No mood! HAHA. ♥ Monday, February 21, 2011 @ 9:10 PM
SUBJECT: FUCK OFF. I hate any girl by the name of Lisa now. :3 Sorry. But yes I do. She made my love life fall apart. Once and for all. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ kkbaii. :D ♥ Saturday, February 19, 2011 @ 11:42 PM
SUBJECT: Confidence I was so sure, that I was gonna be with him for the rest of my life. But now, I'm not sure how I feel towards him. ♥ Friday, February 18, 2011 @ 5:33 PM
SUBJECT: FUCKING FUCK OFF My feelings for you are fading. You make me so angry. My first relationship is ending soon. Obvsly. ♥ Tuesday, February 15, 2011 @ 6:28 PM
SUBJECT: Your name is Chip, I bet you look like... Sometimes when I look at my reflection in the morning, I ask myself. 1. Why do I have so many imperfections? Nothing about myself is how I want it to be. Nothing about myself is right. But we have to live with it, and be thankful for what we have. 2. If I'm so imperfect, my relationship is probably on thin ice and I have to work my way up and be a good girlfriend if I want it to stay that way. SO.. 1. I want to be less jealous of whatever my guy does. 2. I want to be less sensitive towards what he does yet not be insensitive towards his feelings. 3. I better start treating him right. YET.. 1. Something about him makes me moody and cranky all the time. 2. How can he be so insensitive towards my feelings? YET.. 1. He makes me love him more and more each day. 2. He's really good to me somehow. THOUGH.. I know, I just know I've made the right choice when he came back for me. BUT.. What is going on with us? No, I mean what is going on with me? I have the best boyfriend in the world, THEN.. 1. Why is it that I'm not happy? 2. Why is it that the more perfect he is, the more I worry? 3. Why is it that the better he treats me, the lesser I trust him? 4. Why is it that the most he gives me, seems like the least he could give? 5. Why is it that everything is his fault when it's obviously mine? 5. Why is it that I always treat him like I don't want him around me when I obviously need his presence surrounding me? WTF is wrong with me, When we fight, he always asks me this. 1. What is wrong with you? 2. Seriously, WTF is wrong with you? And yes, I get so angry because there IS nothing wrong with me that I know of, because I keep saying that jealousy is how a girl shows love towards her guy. But frankly, I don't know anymore. WTF IS wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me? He tells me I'm beautiful, he tells me I'm perfect, Why don't I see that? He tells me he's loyal, Why am I afraid? He tells me it's a joke among friends, Why am I afraid of losing my precious to someone better? All these unanswered questions are haunting me till this very day. I still can't work them out. Now I realise why I'm so sensitive of what he does. 1. Too much TV. 2. Influenced by books. Relationships like how they show on TV and written in books, they are so scary and yet so real. The guys tell their girlfriends how loyal they are, and how much they love her and etc. Yet they go wandering and flirting and cheating. Those are what made me afraid. I know they're just fiction, but I mean.. What if one day, it happens the same way? What if one day, he goes wandering, flirting and cheating? Is there anything I can do about it? No. All there is for me to do is worry, be jealous and be sensitive AND controlling. And I know that's what's gonna break us apart. Yet I can't stop. What if it really happens one day, And if I did stop it, What would happen then? I couldn't just take him back if he's capable of cheating. But yet I want to be with him like, forever. But is there a forever that is promising? No. Dear baby, I don't know how to face you. I don't know how to talk to you. I don't know how to love you. I don't know how to treat you right. I don't know how to be with you. YET.. I love you so much. kkbaii. ♥ Monday, February 14, 2011 @ 10:16 PM
SUBJECT: Valentine's ♥ Happy Valentine's Day! :) Thank you baby for the roses, I can't believe you got everything planned out just for me! I love you so much, I am so fucking lucky to have you. Why do I deserve you? 'Cause I'm awesome too right? hehe. Muah baby! I love you so damn much <3! ♥ Saturday, February 12, 2011 @ 10:26 PM
SUBJECT: Hello. Hello. Hows it going? Its been a while. Theres nothing much going on These few days are pretty unproductive. Came back from China and feel so dead. I watched P.S I Love You on PPS yesterday. its so damn touching! sniffsniff. kkbaii. ♥ Tuesday, February 1, 2011 @ 5:49 PM
SUBJECT: fucked up Just when I got over all this crap, This comes up. Great. How do I trust you when you have friends who tells you to flirt? Friends are the first influences to every fucking thing. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU FUCKING ARE? |