Hello :)

Three days ago on Friday, I didn't go to school. HAHA :D Then, on Saturday, I went to Earth Hour. Quite a lot of people I guess? But lesser than last two years? It was quite fun but the turning off the light damn fail.. haha!

Today was again almost all sports.. In the morning, stand under the sun "rehearsing". Just hear them talk then clap -.- 1 hour plus you know! I think so la.. Felt like it was 2 hours. Then interval, after that the runners went stadium to run. Then we had to practise our marchpast.

So tiring and boring at the same time. Haha.

kkbaii :)

Laughed a lot in school today :) So fun!

When I talk to you nowadays, feelings are fading.

Both your feelings and my feelings, i just know it. I can hear it in your voice. I know I'm such a burden to you, well I'm sorry? I know I've been a really bad girlfriend. I don't want you to hurt no more okay? Something in me tells me to walk away.. So that this will never happen again.. but I can't bring myself to do that. I can't stay away from you. I'm trying. When I think I don't need you, you talk to me and all those memories come flooding back. And I just miss them and I miss you! Sometimes I wonder if YOU miss me. I wonder if you like it now that we're not together.

You promised me forever, but that's what everyone says right? Until they break up. But I felt so strongly attracted to you. I felt so right with you. It was perfect, like I never want it to be with someone else. But unfortunately, it had to end. Those memories, I don't want them to just be memories.. I want them to be real. I want us to make more memories of us being happy together. I want us to actually be us. I want us to be together and to stop fighting.

I know that you said it's annoying that I always say the same thing.. But did you ever realise that I only say the same things because it was never solved? All you did was say you're sorry. You don't give me an explanation or a solution. You just say you're sorry and let it go. When I ask you for an explanation, you say you don't know. Of course I get sad right? Then I ask you again and again right? I was your girlfriend. I should have known things.

After a year of being with you, every time I talk to you on the phone had awkward silences. You didn't tell me anything from your day. You still don't. I feel so bad, like shouldn't I be the one you love talking to? You told me once that you like fun to talk to people. Am I not? Do you think I'm not? Do you think it's a waste of time talking to me? Every time I tell you my feelings, you say I'm complaining. I don't know what to do. I'm not complaining..

I was in love with you. So deeply. And I always tell people that I'm so lucky to have you as my baby. And that my baby is perfect; he's so awesome! Now? What can I say? I don't know either. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to be with you again.. If I do, would you change? You can't be with me and say you'll change. You'll have to change before you get back with me. And I'll have to learn to tolerate..

Wai Yuen told me.. I have to tolerate.

He wrote the word "tolerate" on my hand and drew a heart over it. And it actually meant something to me.. I have anger problems. I'm sensitive; I get angry sooo easily! But I forgive easily too.. That's the weakest point about me.. I need anger management pills. :(

I suck.

Time has passed.. Yesterday was supposed to be our 1 year 6 months. Those were happy times, yeah.. I thought they were. And I truly, deeply miss them ♥. But, I can't do it anymore.. At least not now.. I'm not ready for it.. After you sent me that message today, I just know it was gonna happen soon - too soon! I'm not ready..

I've been so cold to you in texts.. and this is to let you know why..

I can't let myself fall for you again. Everything about you is perfect. But I can't bring myself to fully accept that because you've hurt me. You've killed me inside, silently. All these times, this 1 year 6 months.. This three weeks that we broke up.. It taught me a lot. It taught me that your love was not the only thing in my life that could keep me going. I love my friends and my family. They make me smile and laugh all the time. :) But as for you, you give me this confidence.. This feeling that makes me believe in myself so much. But I just can't.. Not yet.. I'm sorry.

Some school rules are absurd.

Just because of a fucking hair tie that's a light purple, I get 2 points? Wtf?

When I clip back my hair, you say its messy.

When I clip it up, you say its messy.

When I don't clip it, you say its messy.

Whatever I do with my hair, you complain.

Do you expect me to do what you did to your hair?

Please. Oh wait, do you even have hair?

Why don't you put up a fucking stupid rule that says everyone has to fucking shave their head?

Isn't that easier?

Oh wait! Shaving your head bald is against the school rules too?

Omg, would it fucking kill?

Long hair, no. Bald, no.

What you want from our lives?

Time has gone by so fast! We almost broke up for 3 weeks already. Soon to be one month. It didn't seem so fast waiting for our anniversaries. Haha. But anyway, I'm good now. We're talking and all, but we're not sure if we're gonna get back together. I felt so desperate for it; but now I know I'm not ready for it.

It's like, everything I didn't want you to do.. you're doing it now. You're taking advantage of this time that we're not together to do all those things that you know I don't approve of. But since now we're not together, I can't say anything. So I just choose not to say anything at all. I fear of our love being not strong enough, but you said if we get back together, it'll be stronger than ever. But i seriously have doubts about that.

I have to be the one that calls you. I have to be the one that cries every night. I have to be the one that gets hurt by things you say. All you feel is.. a part thats missing - but it doesn't really make any difference. Doesn't mean that now that we're not together, we're just friends trying to fix our rough patch in our relationship, you can do whatever the fuck you want to that you know I absolutely abhor.

Well it does mean that. But what the hell. If you still really want me, if you still really have the feelings towards me.. You wouldn't. But you did. If you did have the intention of us again, you would be the one trying, not me; I've done my part. You wouldn't be pissed off at me for saying something you don't like, because you do that to me all the time. When you do something I don't like, I just fucking shut up about it.. But when I do the same to you, you get so pissed off.

We're not ready. Seriously not ready.

I made a new blogskin :)

I have like three blogskins lined up for my blog.

But.. I'm so lazy to code them.

HTML&CSS blurs my mind :(

It gets me so frustrated!

I'll code it when I feel like it.

:D

I realised that,

time CAN seriously heal everything and anything O.O

Trust me.

HAHA.

KKBAII! :D

I'm actually really happy today! Something happened but I'm not telling you what because you're so kepo and I hate you. :) But it's not that we got back together, 'cos we didn't. So, I'm sorry Victor, you lost! 13 days are over already! So long dy, waiting for one month to come. LOL haha :D

I had such a weird dream last night. I went on a plane and was arranged to sit with this unknown hot stranger. LOL. And I actually didn't mind as he was hot. Then I found out, he arranged it. He was stalking me all along. He was obsessed. And, at first I didn't mind like I said, he's hot. Then it got creepy because he kept coming closer. And Gaby & Kher Xhing were fighting over whether he was Chinese or Malay. RACIST! Turned out he was Chinese after all. RACIST!

kkbaii!

Every single day, I want to call you so bad. But I know I shouldn't. I know you think it's annoying. But watch the person you love so much walk away from you, then tell me how it feels like. It doesn't feel nice, not at all! It feels like crap. And now I'm hurting emotionally and cramping physically. You don't even read my blog, so you probably won't read this. Why do I have to be the one to text you after school? Why is she with you wherever you go? I'm sorry, I wouldn't have cared.. But it's just.. She doesn't know about me.. She likes you.. It's not a very nice picture.

If I get cramps in the middle of the night, should I call you? Would you pick up? Or would you pick up and just shout at me? Or would you be like how you were before? When you gave me a hug and kisses through the phone, and told me everything's gonna be alright; that you're around; that you're always there for me? Or would you just not care because I'm not your business anymore?

You always make me so happy by saying that we will be together.. Just wait. And everything, and then out of a sudden, you would ruin my happiness by saying something like "IF we ever get back together again" or "maybe only". You make me feel so sure that you would want me back, that you would just be back, that I could just fall back in your arms again.. Which makes me smile like a retard. Then out of nowhere, you say those things that gets me down so much, you know??

How can you not be sure if you love me? How can you not be sure if you would ever get back with me again? I'm not saying like right now, all I'm asking of you is to give me an answer if we WILL or we WON'T. Because if we will, I promise you, honey, I'll wait for you. No matter how long it takes to get you ready again.

It kills me when you say "I don't know", "IF we'll get back together again", "see first".

Hi :)

I'm so bored..

I'm letting go soon.

After exams.

bye!

This is just the beginning of whats going to be a wonderful life.

Smile, silly girl, hold your smile in place.

Let him know you're strong, let him know you don't need him around.

Don't shed one single tear for someone like him,

Make your choice, girl, and don't turn back.

If everything was so unfair, why did you let it happen?

He, who speaks so lovingly to that girl,

Break your heart, more than once?

Why is it that,

Once bitten, twice bitten, thrice still bitten?

Why do you care of what he speaks or what he thinks?

Why can't you just do what your head tells you?

Why do you want something but not do it?

Why do you want to push him to that girl,

yet want to keep him to yourself?

Why do you want to move on to another person,

yet want to only be with no one but him?

What. Is. Your. Fucking. Problem?

Much better and quicker than nuffnang! Trust me :)

Showing you that I could be happy without you. But not happier. One week has passed since we both broke up. I will always remember what someone has told me... Love won't hurt you. And to that someone, I'm sorry I'm not love. And to you, I'm sorry you're not love. You never loved me. Love is a word that we shouldn't use on this level of relationships. Eventhough we've been together for one year and five months, there was no part of you that showed you really cared. Well there was. Until you changed into this new person that I never thought would come out of you. I thought you were perfect, the best, meant for me.

Yesterday night, I was liking links on facebook. Then I saw this link. We shared everything together, funny times and sad times. We shared our day. How we felt, what happened. I wanted to share it with you.. until I remember you were no longer mine. You weren't mine anymore.. In a matter of time, you'll be someone else's. That's not easy to accept. I know that, every good thing must come to an end. And this is the end. You held me tight for one year five months, thank you for that. Those times were the most amazing times of life and now all they are are memories of what we used to be that I will forever keep and cherish ♥. Those were us, the happy us before she came along, before all these fights. It was us, it was love, it was perfect. It was something that I never wanted to end. It was something that I thought would never end.

But now the time has come. It ended. To all of you that said, "don't worry, you guys will never break up. He loves you so much and cares for you. You love him too, don't you?" and all that I've replied with "Of course I do. Without him, I'm nothing." And yes, I am nothing now. I'm just another girl, with no perfection, no confidence towards herself. You made me shine, you made me believe in myself. You told me that no matter how I am, no matter how I look, no matter how I act, I'll always be perfect in your eyes, that I'll always be beautiful. You made me smile through out the days that I was down. Through out the days that I was in pain, that I was hurt, that I was depressed, that I was worried. You brought out the best person in me. I was always really straightforward and I can't care less about people. But you brought out the soft side of me and made me emotional and sensitive.

To our amazing one year five months..

♥

Goodbye.

Everytime you do this to me, do you think of how I'll feel? I know that, we're not together anymore, but you cant just say brb and leave for 4 hours. You know how I'll feel.. If you don't want us together again, just leave me, please. I know you're capable of doing that. Don't keep me hanging. If this is a game your playing, wake up your fucking mind. and make up your mind.

Heyy. :)

So as you people said, me and him used to be the cutest couple ever. I know I seem happier today. But me and him, we're not together okay? We're not together anymore. I know right? Its such a waste XD haha! I wish we're together too, but we're not, okay?

And, you guys may see that I seem happy today, but im telling you, im not. Well, I'm happier than yesterday because today, we've stepped up a lil. His texts this morning made me smile :) His texts after school made me happy. But Im still wishing for it to happen again.. Im just not over it. Im in lovee somehow. Kinda weird.

Anyyway, tomorrow is the last day for my green lens and I'm not allowed to buy new pairs of coloured lens. My mum don't allow!! So, nevermind lah :)