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Pinkaholiczxc,, ♥
♥ The Pinkaholic
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Hihihi. I'm JiaWun. Gifts every 5th'fMay. I love everyone and everything.
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    ♥ Tuesday, February 15, 2011 @ 6:28 PM
    SUBJECT: Your name is Chip, I bet you look like...

    Sometimes when I look at my reflection in the morning,
    I ask myself.

    1. Why do I have so many imperfections?
    Nothing about myself is how I want it to be.
    Nothing about myself is right.
    But we have to live with it, and be thankful for what we have.

    2. If I'm so imperfect, my relationship is probably on thin ice and I have to work my way up and be a good girlfriend if I want it to stay that way.

    SO..

    1. I want to be less jealous of whatever my guy does.
    2. I want to be less sensitive towards what he does yet not be insensitive towards his feelings.
    3. I better start treating him right.

    YET..

    1. Something about him makes me moody and cranky all the time.
    2. How can he be so insensitive towards my feelings?

    YET..

    1. He makes me love him more and more each day.
    2. He's really good to me somehow.

    THOUGH..

    I know, I just know I've made the right choice when he came back for me.

    BUT..

    What is going on with us? No, I mean what is going on with me?

    I have the best boyfriend in the world,

    THEN..

    1. Why is it that I'm not happy?
    2. Why is it that the more perfect he is, the more I worry?
    3. Why is it that the better he treats me, the lesser I trust him?
    4. Why is it that the most he gives me, seems like the least he could give?
    5. Why is it that everything is his fault when it's obviously mine?
    5. Why is it that I always treat him like I don't want him around me when I obviously need his presence surrounding me?

    WTF is wrong with me,
    When we fight, he always asks me this.

    1. What is wrong with you?
    2. Seriously, WTF is wrong with you?

    And yes, I get so angry because there IS nothing wrong with me that I know of, because I keep saying that jealousy is how a girl shows love towards her guy.
    But frankly, I don't know anymore.
    WTF IS wrong with me?
    Is there something wrong with me?

    He tells me I'm beautiful, he tells me I'm perfect,
    Why don't I see that?

    He tells me he's loyal,
    Why am I afraid?

    He tells me it's a joke among friends,
    Why am I afraid of losing my precious to someone better?

    All these unanswered questions are haunting me till this very day.
    I still can't work them out.

    Now I realise why I'm so sensitive of what he does.

    1. Too much TV.
    2. Influenced by books.

    Relationships like how they show on TV and written in books, they are so scary and yet so real. The guys tell their girlfriends how loyal they are, and how much they love her and etc. Yet they go wandering and flirting and cheating.

    Those are what made me afraid.
    I know they're just fiction, but I mean..
    What if one day, it happens the same way?
    What if one day, he goes wandering, flirting and cheating?
    Is there anything I can do about it? No.
    All there is for me to do is worry, be jealous and be sensitive AND controlling.
    And I know that's what's gonna break us apart.
    Yet I can't stop.
    What if it really happens one day,
    And if I did stop it,
    What would happen then?
    I couldn't just take him back if he's capable of cheating.
    But yet I want to be with him like, forever.
    But is there a forever that is promising?
    No.

    Dear baby,
    I don't know how to face you.
    I don't know how to talk to you.
    I don't know how to love you.
    I don't know how to treat you right.
    I don't know how to be with you.

    YET..

    I love you so much.




    kkbaii.